-wine me dine me, but il pay my own bills.

I have friends who make me wonder whether they know the difference between a gentleman whom your in a relationship with, and a sugar daddy. Look at it this way, in a relationship, a man is always seen as the main pillar in the support systems. He is expected to actually take responsibility for all the financial matters, except the actual spending of the money.
Sort of like boy deposits ....girl withdraws.
He is expected to have a job that covers his girlfriend's expenses, which include; Rent, clothes, shopping, hair styling, Make-up, entertainment... oooh and not forgetting his own expenses.
But all this are after the woman has had her own fill.
And i think we need to draw boundaries that are fair to both parties in the relationship. Why is it that the man should be the sole provider when the woman is actually earning the same or more? which brings me to a popular feminine adage saying "your money, is our money, my money is mine alone" ....what a pity!
Some of my female friends say they will only get into a relationship if a man is willing to foot all the bills, to be honest we are now living in an age of healthy competition between the sexes. At this point, a line from the song do me by PsQuare from Nigeria comes to mind
"what a man can do, a woman can do"
lets be honest, many women these days, are not looking for men to pay their bills. Because many of them are financially empowered. However, we do need to know that he can. two things are important to a woman in a relationship: her need to be loved, and her need to feel protected and provided for.
Male and female relationships are made of commitment and continuity. Woman prefer friendship, love and companionship. But they do need to know that money is there, that there is someone watching over us, someone who has our best interests at heart.
ideally financial obligations should be shouldered equally. it is ridiculous that women should take the back seat especially when she is earning a handsome salary. Realistically "man of the house" as he would like to be known, should be ready to meet any extra monetary expenses if called to do so. It is not really about money, well it isn't for me and am sure for many of us who are truly in love, But this is an outward expression of affection. By putting his money where his mouth is, a man shows that she can rely on him and that he will not leave her when the going gets tough....after all "he is the man of the house"

-Twisted-Painting me, a mirror vision

Am trying to paint a picture of me,but the lines are to thick, the colours too bright, am ashamed of what i see, so I'll just put it in front of a mirror so y'all can see...

I see myself positioned in an elevated place, Watching the person who should be me, living a remote controlled life. its like i have no control of my life anymore. Life has become so difficult these days, am always on the run, chasing everything from class deadlines to social obligations and family affairs.

I feel the need to slow down, but again am living a borrowed life, in borrowed space at borrowed time. so i cant afford to slow down. i keep up, even when out of breath. My ego always demands and comes up with an endless list of things for me to do or have, some clearly unattainable. This things have constantly burdened me, and i even start to lose sleep over them. I don't see reality anymore, i have lost all aspects of spirituality in me...the drive i once had for mass and holy communion has withered. Life has changed drastically in the last few months. Although i am faced with valuable experiences, to help me decide on how to respond to life's tests, i lose my temper at the slightest provocation.

The girl i was and who i want to be again, would respond with love, and understanding to try and learn something from the situation...even when i got so frustrated and miserable, it was a test as to how much i could handle~ sadly not anymore.

I don't understand how i think anymore, and this has consequently attracted bad vibes, am no longer time conscious, and as much as i understand that the universe arranges itself to reflect my reality, my life is not peaceful at the moment am not responding to anything like i should with ease and comfort, Am handcuffed. I hate watching that girl that is supposed to be me, she is not at peace with herself, she is blind. Yet even though its my life, Am not the driver in it, am at the back seat i stare and lean back at the careless driving in flooded traffic at red lights.

So obsessed with my outer shell and how i look like, i over eat and i sometimes starve myself...This consequently leads me to develop low self esteem, but i know am in charge of my life and the circumstances i am going through, are just a test for my success, But its breaking my heart, that i lost me along the way and i am watching a failure leading a life . Each passing day, is a constant struggle to keep up with what everybody expects of me. And until i get me back, ill continue to paint, ill continue to draw and wish that i was this girl that i need and must be.