-Getting it right!

There are so many emotions i am fighting with right now. last Suturday i confessed to him, that I had kissed another man. I have said this before I can’t hide anything from him, it was the right thing to do, and only the timing was wrong…it was his birthday.
“I have to tell you something that you won’t be so happy to hear” I said
“I kissed another man”
………silence……
At this point, I saw his heart break in front of me, I saw his tears, I heard him weap. I realised how much he loved me, I had to let him know, I wasn’t planning to tell him, but I needed this opening from him, without him forgiving me, I would still feel like I cheated on him. I needed to deal with the consequences of his wrath I needed to know that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
“Why?”
And when he asked me that, I realised that nothing I could say would make it right, I couldn’t find a reason or an answer to what I did, I dint want to let him go. I know he has been faithful to me. I dint want to be the cause of our ending because i am somewhere I can never be with anyone else, but i am with him, everything is so beautiful with him, it is so beautiful to fall in love with him. he completes me.
I know I hurt him. I am hurt too, hurt by the fact that i can be weak, i know am vulnerable, But what hurts me most, what kills me most is that he blames himself for what I did…

“its not the kiss, its that you sometimes need someone, and thoughts of me are not enough, worst part is, I understand, I wonder everyday if today is the day I don’t matter enough, how can I fight for you when the one you fight is yourself?”

When he talks to me, I realise how much even in his anger, he loves me. I am human, I let my emotions rule, I know I hurt him and even if he forgave me, I keep thinking that things might never be the same again, God! I love him, I would do it right if I could turn back time, Am so lucky that i have him, he is my everything! And I am nothing without him; I never want to hurt him again. There is definitely no kiss without him.