-Last Friday.

i love Fridays, i mean who doesn't? especially girls night out, when you just drink, dance, scream the night away knowing that you have a whole weekend to pull yourself back together before work or Uni starts again on Monday...

i loved Fridays, at least when i was single, it was easy back then i would meet some guy at a bar spend time with him, and just be me, but now, i have my baby. Even giving my number to a guy makes me feel like i have cheated on him.... But last Friday i completely lost it, y'all know how i wished for this ... And this time it did happen i felt awful, i know he doesn't deserve this he has been so go to me, am only 2weeks away from him, i could have waited for 2more weeks for a worthwhile kiss...

Am trying to find a reason to justify what i did, but all i can do is cry because there is no excuse for cheating on someone who has been through thick and thin for me, i know he isn't here but he loves me, he cares for me, trusts me....and to even think that he feels the same about me is heart breaking.

i don't think i will ever forgive myself, especially because i was sober and i knew exactly what was going on. i don't know if i should let him know, i never hide anything from him...but this guilt is consuming me. i now realise how much i love him, and how i cant live without him.

So on Saturday morning, i woke up to his email, he said he hoped i had a safe night and that i had fun, He doesn't deserve me, not after what i did.....last Friday.